Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and many of the roads weren't paved.

First you forget names, and then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper.

You know you are getting old when your memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 72 or 62? I have lost most of my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why there?" Then I'll be sure my daughter visits me twice a week." As you get older, your secrets are safe with your friends. They can't remember them either. Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.